Well we have moved in our house. I still don't have everything moved in yet. That is going to be a slow process (how do I have so much junk). I love being in our first home together. Christian is so excited. We are finally getting him to sleep in his room. He hasn't been coming to get in bed with us till 4-6 in the morning. Yeah! I had been feeling really good- until today. I wish people would think before they speak sometimes. My friend called me while I was grocery shopping and asked if I could sign her daughter up for the baby contest for Pioneer Days. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I told her I wasn't going to the baby contest and awkard silence ensued. To top it off, so many people in my life are turning up pregnant. People who are awful moms and don't deserve the kids they have let alone another one. I get too jealous and bitter. I hate feeling this way. I don't like hating every pregnant girl.
I'm going to focus on making through this day. Can't wait till my bible study Saturday. I love the amazing women I have met through the baby loss community. They are my kindred spirits- the only ones who understand me now. It's funny how I feel so much closer to women that I have never met than to friends I have had for 15 years. I have decided to wait to try getting pregnant until I lose a little more weight. I've lost almost 25 so far in 2 months, so if I can lose another 25, maybe I can try at the end of September or October. I think right now I am just feeling a peace (most days) that I haven't felt in a long time. Sure the moving in stressful- and the cleaning. But there is something so amazing about it finally being Tommy, Christian, and me- just the three of us. I love my family. I mean there is a part of me that is dying waiting to try and conceive, but I know the more weight I lose, the healthier it would be for a baby and less chance of the baby being so big. Well off to do laundry and hopefully watch Pretty Little Liars (I have been waiting all week).
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